You’re about to turn 12. Naturally, you roll your eyes when I launch into speech — “Mom’s getting hyped!” you warn your brother. You’ve gotten very good at dodging my monologues, so I’m writing you a letter. This way, I don’t have to watch the eye roll, and I know that you’ll read it all the way through because… THERE’S A HIDDEN SURPRISE IN THIS LETTER (ONE THAT IS NOT IN ALL CAPS) THAT RELATES TO A SHOPPING TRIP AND GETTING A

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You know what I realized? There are no “parenting experts.” Or rather, all parents are parenting experts. Once you’ve performed surgery to successfully remove a booger from a 2-year old’s nostril at 3 am and written an original song called Smile Town that you’ll perform on command, you develop some valuable niche knowledge. So, as an official Parenting Expert, I’d like to share some of the lesser known perks and drawbacks of having children. And they’re not going to be

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One of the things no one ever told me about having children is that between “goo-goo” and “I do” stretch 20 years of sibling battles that make the Civil War look like a celebration of brotherly love. “Will you stop that?” “Stop what?” “Stop breathing like a duck with sinus trouble.” “S-o-r-r-y. What am I supposed to do, hold my breath while I’m eating?” “At least you could stop chewing so loud they can hear you in Latvia.” “How am

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One of the first major decisions you have as a parent is naming your child. Whether it’s your first or tenth baby, being a mother is the most exciting and best way to fulfill your societal obligation as a woman. You want a name that will help your child stand out and shine like the big star they are. I have put together a list of great names to give the best thing that has ever happened to you. Elizabreth

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