Are you a sick pervert who is afraid that your behavior could ruin your career for a long nine months for sexual assault or even land you in prison? We feel your pain! And that’s why we’ve developed these remarkable new apps that can help you fight your natural urges to commit sexual assault. GrannyBlock – The ultimate app for stopping perverted thoughts from becoming actions. Click on the apple pie icon and a sweet grandmother will pop up on

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It seems that everywhere you look these days, there’s a white woman yelling at people of color. The apparent offenses vary from selling lemonade or having a barbecue in public, to blocking the sunlight as a white woman tries to darken her skin (the irony apparently being blocked from her as well). Now, some of these ladies are just plain drunk or high. It’s clear from the cell phone videos: they slur their words and wear tube tops in public,

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Dear Environmental Protection Agency, I am writing in the hopes that you will grant me a lifelong exemption from environmental quality controls. I lived in Seattle for six years and utilized public transportation 5 days a week. That’s 1,560 days of being environmentally friendly! This at least entitles me to being exempt from vehicle emissions testing until 2022; by that time, I fully expect to be living off-grid because I REALLY can’t handle society much longer. My body and psyche were

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This is Mrs. Carol Van Sant, long-time resident of Stepford, Connecticut, and dedicated wife to my precious husband, Mr. Ted Van Sant. You may have heard a little squawk about the Stepford community from those mean-spirited movies, suggesting that we Stepford wives are oppressed robots. My heavens! Don't pay any attention to those rumors. Anywho, I am here to speak out against something that has been plaguing the media recently. There is a hullabaloo about this Ocean's 8 movie and

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