Match the funny one-liner to the woman who said it. by Tiffany Burton March 6, 2020 written by Tiffany Burton March 6, 2020 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail Match the funny one-liner to the woman who said it: Know what? Bitches get stuff done. Tina Fey, comedian/writer Kate McKinnon, comedian Amy Poehler, comedian/writer/producer An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Dorothy Parker, writer Agatha Christie, writer Molly Ivins, political satirist I had to ask my grandchildren, “What does it mean ‘I threw shade’?” Maxine Waters, Congresswoman Barbara Jordan, former Congresswoman Molly Ivins, political satirist In a certain light, feminism is just the long, slow realization that the stuff you love hates you. Mia Hamm, soccer star Lindy West, writer Katharine Whitehorn, journalist Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap. Lindy West, writer Barbara Jordan, former Congresswoman Fannie Lou Hamer, civil rights activist Just because I have my standards, they think I’m a bitch. Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady Maxine Waters, Congresswoman Fannie Lou Hamer, civil rights activist My two secrets to staying healthy: wash your hands all the time. And the other is hot peppers. I eat a lot of hot peppers. Hillary Clinton, first woman to win the popular vote for U.S. president/former First Lady/former Senator Nora Ephron, screenwriter/writer Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady Well-behaved women rarely make history. Agatha Christie, writer Hillary Clinton, first woman to win the popular vote for U.S. president/former First Lady/former Senator Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Pulitzer Prize winning historian You’re either a feminist or a masochist. Gloria Steinem, feminist activist Kate McKinnon, comedian Amy Poehler, comedian/writer/producer If I had Instagram it would just be pictures of my son. Who is a cat. Frida Kahlo, artist Tina Fey, comedian/writer Kate McKinnon, comedian Since I’m only a comedian, I’m not going to try and tell you comedians how to do politics. That would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. I mean, can you even imagine? Crazy. Cecily Strong, comedian Margaret Cho, comedian Kate McKinnon, comedian You could certainly say I've never underestimated myself. Ann Richards, former Governor of Texas Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany Maxine Waters, Congresswoman I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized… I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade? Lena Dunham, actress/writer Margaret Cho, comedian Molly Ivins, political satirist There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out. Cecily Strong, comedian Zaha Hadid, architect Mae West, actress/producer/comedian It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard. Dorothy Parker, writer Amy Poehler, comedian/writer/producer Lindy West, writer I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim. Margaret Cho, comedian Lena Dunham, actress/writer Frida Kahlo, artist My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too. Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady Mia Hamm, soccer star Zaha Hadid, architect Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in. Mae West, actress/producer/comedian Lindy West, writer Katharine Whitehorn, journalist I did not want my tombstone to read, 'She kept a really clean house. Ann Richards, former Governor of Texas Mae West, actress/producer/comedian Amy Poehler, comedian/writer/producer Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman. Kathleen Turner, actress Cecily Strong, comedian Tina Fey, comedian/writer However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are. Tina Fey, comedian/writer Amy Poehler, comedian/writer/producer Kate McKinnon, comedian Some people are not meant to be mothers and some people are not meant to drive. Nora Ephron, screenwriter/writer Lena Dunham, actress/writer Fannie Lou Hamer, civil rights activist The thing is this: You got to have fun while you're fightin' for freedom, 'cause you don't always win. Molly Ivins, political satirist Margaret Cho, comedian Tina Fey, comedian/writer The guys used to tap me on the head and say 'you're OK for a girl.' Zaha Hadid, architect Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady Dorothy Parker, writer We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.” Nora Ephron, screenwriter/writer Tina Fey, comedian/writer Gloria Steinem, feminist activist Time is Up! Time's up Help us speak out on gender equality issues and keep you laughing! Please donate! SHARE THIS STORY FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail