Match the funny one-liner to the woman who said it.

by Tiffany Burton
Tiffany Burton

Match the funny one-liner to the woman who said it:

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

Some people are not meant to be mothers and some people are not meant to drive.

My two secrets to staying healthy: wash your hands all the time. And the other is hot peppers. I eat a lot of hot peppers.

You could certainly say I've never underestimated myself.

The thing is this: You got to have fun while you're fightin' for freedom, 'cause you don't always win.

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.”

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

I did not want my tombstone to read, 'She kept a really clean house.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

In a certain light, feminism is just the long, slow realization that the stuff you love hates you.

I had to ask my grandchildren, “What does it mean ‘I threw shade’?”

Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman.

Know what? Bitches get stuff done.

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim.

I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized… I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade?

Just because I have my standards, they think I’m a bitch.

The guys used to tap me on the head and say 'you're OK for a girl.'

If I had Instagram it would just be pictures of my son. Who is a cat.

However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.

Since I’m only a comedian, I’m not going to try and tell you comedians how to do politics. That would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. I mean, can you even imagine? Crazy.

You’re either a feminist or a masochist.



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