What To Get Your Favorite Feminist for Valentine’s Day

by Occhi Verdi
Occhi Verdi

Wondering how to surprise the badass women in your life for Valentine’s Day? Here are some gift ideas that aren’t from Hallmark, Russian bots or Internet advertisers, but from actual humans:

  • THE Book: Random Female Syndromes: Funny Fixes for All the Things You Thought Were Wrong with You (on Amazon)
  • A piece of sequinned clothing, preferably not a thong
  • A lifetime’s supply of free, non-toxic tampons for whoever needs them
  • Lots and lots of chocolate
  • Some really loud bongo drums for interrupting mansplainers
  • A hat or tiara for every protest march
  • A Smash-the-Patriarchy Voodoo Kit
  • A pocket guide to social justice, human rights law and gender equality written by real lawyers and activists
  • Comfy dress with pockets (to hold the above-mentioned pocket guide)
  • Pants with pockets
  • Skirt with pockets
  • Shorts with pockets
  • Leggings with pockets
  • Camisole with pockets
  • Pyjamas with pockets
  • Evening gown with pockets
  • Cashmere loungewear with pockets
  • Spanx with pockets
  • Bathing suit with pockets
  • Hat with pockets
  • Socks with pockets
  • Earrings with pockets
  • Pockets with pockets
  • Wine bucket for any-sized bottle or box…also with pockets
  • Did I forget to mention THE Book: Random Female Syndromes, which will make you laugh so hard you forget your lack of pockets for a few hours?
  • Non-animal-tested perfume, make-up, skin care products, hair care products, lube, etc. to make you feel pretty, healthy, empowered, self-confident, or whatever you prefer to feel
  • A Syndrome tote bag for your stuff with pockets or your companion animal
  • Yummy syndrome-soothing snacks (I already said chocolate? Oh, well then…), such as: granola bars; gluten free Asian flavored crackers; chips; nuts; coconut yogurt; kale chips (I hear you groaning); kiwi berries (yes, this is actually a thing!); cheeeeeeese; nori seaweed sheets; Cheetos (sorry, I still have to eat these despite Trump’s horrific, yet convincing personification….); dates (the kind you eat, oh never mind); raisins; cranberries; fig bars; chocolate-covered candied ginger; strawberries; lemon bars; brownies; deep-fried tofu with peanut sauce; etc.
  • Tickets to five of your/their favorite comedy clubs, especially those with as many female as male comedians
  • THE Book: Random Female Syndromes
  • A donation to The Syndrome Mag, so we can help fight gender inequality while making you laugh. A lot.See, now you have your list. You can thank me later with, perhaps, chocolate with pockets.

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