Ah, January, the month when our attention turns to clearing out the junk in our apartments and houses to make room for the new junk we got during the holidays!
Fortunately, when it comes to clothing, housewares, kitchen utensils, etc., you can usually take any of those to a secondhand store so other folks can get some use out of them. But when it comes to “feminine” products, especially those marketed specifically to women, recycling is usually not an option – not unless you’re willing to have the guys at the thrift store laugh at you and then run off to wash their hands.
Never fear! In the interest of keeping as much as possible out of landfills, we here at We Don’t Have Real Jobs, So We Make Lists Co. have come up with dozens of ways you can reuse almost any embarrassing thing you may want to get rid of. Please refer to this list before you toss anything in the trash.
Tomato plant tie, rat hammock, pirate eye patch, indoor slingshot
Laser hair remover
Anti-aircraft weapon, cat toy for feline with ADHD, bug zapper
Hamster tube top, small animal tourniquet, lawn gnome tutu, ankle bracelet cover-up
Unused maxi-pads with wings
Angel for Xmas tree-topper (use two back to back), post-it pads (“This lunch belongs to Susan”), Swiffer pads, window decals to keep birds from flying into glass (draw on beak)
Device to keep fitted sheet on mattress, leash for multiple teapot dogs
Box of tampons
Earrings (paint to match outfit), stylish “beaded” curtain (requires several boxes and lots of free time), dollhouse sandbags, purse-size safety device (“Back off, buddy, I’ve got tampons!)
Battery-operated personal grooming razor
Lawn mower for micro-greens, sound FX device to replicate mosquitoes mating, purse-size personal safety device (Back off or I’ll shave off your hipster goatee!)
Emergency straight jacket, heavy-duty shopping bag (make sure to sew up leg holes), large animal tourniquet, microwave cozy