Make Your Visit to Planned Parenthood Fun

by Leigh Anne Jasheway
Leigh Anne Jasheway

Let’s face it, a visit to Planned Parenthood often includes having to run the gauntlet of angry anti-choice protestors who yell and toss brochures filled with disturbing photo-shopped pictures and made-up “facts.”

There’s almost no other institution where simply getting through the front door requires as much courage and fortitude. And these days, as states across the U.S. make access to women’s reproductive rights even more difficult, most of us travel in packs, bringing along friends.

Whether you’ve scheduled an appointment or you’re going for moral support, there’s no reason you can’t make the outing fun! Here are some ideas:

  • Get all your Comic-Con friends to show up in their cosplay costumes.
  • Bring a clown, a mime, and a prop comic. That should be enough to scare everyone in the crowd.
  • Hire a Mariachi band and distract the protestors with taco trucks.
  • Chant “We know where the G-spot is. Do you know where the G-spot is?”
  • Dress as flaccid penises (penii?)
  • Use shredded Bible pages as confetti and shoot it into the crowd as a distraction.
  • Toss a dozen rubber snakes into the air and yell “Snakes!”
  • Approach the protestors and ask, “Is this the line for the calculus exam?”
  • Set up a dog agility course and have all your friends bring their dogs with them.
  • Dress as inflatable unicorns and ask everyone, “Have you farted a rainbow today?”
  • Enlist your local Church of Satan to perform their version of The Nativity Scene directly at the clinic doorway.
  • Bring a megaphone and read passages from 50 Shades of Gray. Scratch that – that will keep everyone away!
  • Roll in a big screen TV and show episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
  • Wear dresses made from tampons and maxi-pads.
  • Play opera music on boomboxes that you hold over your heads.
  • Hire a Shakespearean actor to read the Kama Sutra in an English accent. Demonstrations with marionette puppets are highly recommended.
  • Ask your local Thrill the World flash mob to dance Thriller
  • Come holding full-length mirrors so the protestors will only see their angry faces.
  • Everybody Prancercize.
  • Have a drone drop pamphlets about prostate exams.
  • Hand out free samples of tofu and tempeh.

All kidding aside. Don’t let the angry mob keep you and your friends from getting the health care you need and deserve!

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