Once again, the holiday season has rolled around. But instead of planning blow-out parties and baking dozens of cookies to share with co-workers (or eating dozens of cookies baked by co-workers), you may be spending your time wondering how to decorate your tree with colorful little bottles of hand sanitizer or shopping online for Hannukkah-themed face masks for your friends.
Let’s face it, if Hallmark ever makes a holiday movie set in 2020, the strong independent woman who thinks she’s happy with her single life and the small town veterinarian who could finally show her what love is would never get within six feet of each other. How do you start up a relationship when you’re both wearing masks and every conversation consists mostly of “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said” and “Are you scowling at me? I can’t tell from your eyebrows.”
The movie would probably end with the star going back to the big city and selling vagina cupcakes on Etsy and the veterinarian marrying his cousin because they’re in the same bubble.
But no matter what, the holidays are here and chances are, you have some feminists on your list who deserve just the perfect gift just for surviving the pandemic, economic insecurity, racial injustice, misogyny, or all of the above.
And if the folks you’re shopping for are health care workers, teachers, front line workers, or others who have given their all to make life bearable for the rest of us, now is not the time to give them a coupon book of hugs redeemable in summer 2021, maybe.
In between doomscrolling on Twitter and browsing for personal protective pods (that’s “pods,” not “pads”), I figured I had enough time to make a list of gifts you might want to consider for the feminist women and gender non-binary folks on your list.
- Perifit Kegel Exerciser/Video Game: One of the things 2020 has taught us is how important it is to take care of ourselves. But there’s no reason you can’t have fun while doing that, right? The Perifit kegel exerciser/video game is the perfect gift for anyone with a vagina who wants to strengthen their pelvic floor while playing video games. You know what they say: “You can’t break the glass ceiling if your pelvic floor is weak.”
- Burning the Patriarchy Candle: For the people on your list who love long bubble baths by candlelight, you can’t beat the “burning the patriarchy” candle. Studies show that many of us get our best ideas in the bath, so maybe this candle can inspire the next feminist uprising.
- “What Would Ruth Bader Ginsburg Do (WWRBGD)?” Mug: Millions of people across the world are still grief-stricken over the loss of Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG). She was a feminist icon who laid the groundwork for so much of what women have achieved over the past decades, while maintaining her own unique style. For the person on your list who is working to keep RBG’s work in civil rights going, this “What would Ruth Bader Ginsburg do (WWRBGD)?” mug may be just the right pick-me-up and motivation.
- Feminist Phone Covers: Our cell phones have become our lifelines during quarantine and social distancing. Feminist phone covers do the talking for us when no one can hear what we’re mouthing behind our mask. “Do something with your life that will make a mediocre white man angry” might be just the statement someone on your list wants to make while waiting in line for groceries.
- “Things I Want To Say At Work But Can’t! Swear Word Filled Adult Coloring Book”: Coloring is one of the simplest and least expensive ways to blow off steam and express yourself, so what feminist wouldn’t love a copy of “Things I Want To Say At Work But Can’t! Swear Word Filled Adult Coloring Book.”
- Bitch Magnetic Poetry Kit: Speaking of creativity, for your friends and loved ones who love to play with words, but don’t want to commit to writing the great American novel, Bitch Magnetic Poetry Kit may be just the right gift. After all the time I’ve spent in front of the refrigerator lately, I know this would be the perfect distraction for me.
- Cardboard Cutout of Themselves: Who could have predicted way back in January just how much time we’d spend in Zoom meetings? For those on your list who are sometimes too tired/disheveled/drunk for online appearances, why not make them a cardboard cutout of themselves to prop up in front of the camera instead? If it’s good enough for football stadiums and late night talk shows, it’s good enough for business meetings.
- Dammit Dolls: Sometimes a person just has to slam something against a wall. And 2020 has presented more opportunities than most, so Dammit Dolls should be high on everyone’s list.
- Future President Bib: Despite all the bad, some good things did happen this year, like the fact that six women ran for President on the Democratic ticket and our Vice President-elect is a woman! For the mothers/fathers/caretakers of infant girls, the Future President bib can sop up messes and let people know she’s got big plans.
- “I’m Speaking!” Face Mask: Speaking of our Vice President-elect, who wouldn’t want an “I’m speaking!” face mask that celebrates Kamala Harris’s famous statement during the debates?
- The Squad Holiday Shirt: For the political folks on your list, you might also consider The Squad holiday shirt, which celebrates four multicultural in-your-face young progressive members of Congress, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib.
- Fabulous Feminist Pajamas: Bras may have fallen out of favor this year, but everyone is rocking PJs, especially during Zoom meetings! Check out these fabulous feminist pajamas.
- Into Wine, Not the Label Shirt: Dan Levy led his show, Schitt’s Creek, to sweep the Emmys this year, and one of the reasons so many fell in love with the show was its straightforward and loving approach to pansexuality. If there are feminists on your list who are “into the wine not the label,” you can get that t-shirt here.
- “Ain’t I a Woman? Black Women and Feminism” by bell hooks, read by Adenrele Ojo: Let’s face it, Black women saved this country from fascism and it’s about time all feminists jump on board the intersectional bandwagon, educating ourselves and supporting all women of color. A great first step would be listening to “Ain’t I a Woman? Black Women and Feminism” by bell hooks, read by Adenrele Ojo. Great for you and 15 of your closest white feminist friends.
- “Show Us Your Wits: Funny Women Surviving Coronavirus Lockdown by Laughing Through It”: If your friends are anything like me, they know that we wouldn’t not have gotten through all of this (imagine me sweeping my arm vaguely in front of me) without a sense of humor. That’s why The Syndrome Mag decided to collect funny stories of pandemic survival from women of all different cultures, races, ages, and life circumstances in the book, “Show Us Your Wits: Funny Women Surviving Coronavirus Lockdown by Laughing Through It.” The book is hitting shelves very soon! Stay tuned!
There you have it – the perfect list for all the feminists on your list. And please, splurge on yourself too. After the year you’ve had, you deserve it.