Many medicines were created for a specific cure and were later found to be effective for other things. So why couldn’t the active ingredient in the chemotherapy medication, Taxol, be used to get rid of excess hair? I asked my oncologist. So, Doc, what do you think? It’s a good idea, right?
While I was enjoying that magical moment without hair, I discovered that there are many other positive aspects of chemotherapy. Obviously besides the fact that it works to save lives.
Here they are the positives, in no particular order:
1. There’s no need to shave/wax/etc., any part of your body.
2. Your hairless skin becomes as soft and smooth as a baby’s bottom.
3. You can experiment with drawing on any type of eyebrow arch, from the Evil Queen to Angry Birds.
4. You can wrap your head in any colorful headband or scarf and people won’t dare remind you that you are not Carmen Miranda or at Carnival in Rio.
5. Wigs of every sort–long, short, red, jet black or blue–you can finally change your hairstyle every day without having to see the hairdresser and ruin the hair you don’t have. Maybe you’ll discover that platinum blond looks good on you and doesn’t make you look like a bimbo after all.
6. You can finally be sure that you have a nice head, and not just on the inside.
7. You can go out to karaoke without a hat and sing anything by Sinead O’Connor, even poorly, and will receive applause no matter what.
8. When you run into people who know you are undergoing chemo, they’ll always say you look good, which means you look alive.
9. When you run into people who don’t know you are undergoing chemo, they won’t think much of your Angry Birds eyebrows, psychedelic turban, or green hair; they’ll just think that you have always seemed a bit eccentric.
10. When you leave work to go to therapy, you get to escape while your coworkers have to stay in the daily grind. They’ll make a big deal out of saying goodbye and promise to make plans with you next week. It might not seem like it, but in certain offices, many of them envy you.
11. While you are undergoing chemo, you can rotate from the bed to the couch to the armchair to the bed, without feeling the least bit guilty for being lazy.
12. If you smile and you are calm, they will say you are strong.
13. If you don’t smile and you are not calm, they will forgive you.
14. You can train to become a champion at Tetris or Candy Crush or any other stupid game without anyone in your family telling you that you have neglected them.
15. You won’t care about other people’s everyday bullshit. You’ll see it from afar, but not like ‘through binoculars’ far, more like ‘Martians looking at Earth from space’ far.
16. You can finally eat that delicious burnt pizza crust that everyone says causes cancer because you’re taking the antidote.
17. If you always hated your mother-in-law’s cooking but ate it just to be polite, now’s your chance to tell her that even just the smell of it gives you nausea. This works even after you have finished therapy.
18. You never need an excuse for not accepting social invitations from friends who bore you to death; just say that you’re tired and no one will question you.
19. People will surprise you with all the stupid things they believe. As soon as they know you are in chemo, they will suggest all types of alternatives: diets, seeds, berries, herbal concoctions, nutritional supplements, sorcerers, shamans, magicians, and quacks. So, you are free to delete them from your friends list with no regrets.
20. Everyone will say that if you need anything, they are there for you; however, many will never call you because in the end, you select your guardian angels… but it’s still nice to hear it.
