20 Headlines from an Alternate Universe

by Leigh Anne Jasheway
Leigh Anne Jasheway
  1. Sluts live longer!
  2. Hospital announces no male nurses to be hired due to shortage of large scrubs
  3. Suddenly, everyone understands consent
  4. Are male politicians likeable enough?
  5. Chocolate cake makes you younger, thinner, and smarter
  6. Boys fight school’s dress code requiring them to wear kilts
  7. Scientists weigh in: There is no such thing as “resting bitch face”
  8. Your parenting skills are fine and your kids won’t turn out to be sociopaths
  9. Viagra banned for men over 45
  10. Could women solve global warming? Let’s ask 4,000 female scientists (and really listen)
  11. Republican party announces they were lying about post-birth abortions and everything else
  12. Gravitational shift recorded: Turns out we all weigh 20 lbs. less than we thought
  13. Men flock to demand male birth control pill
  14. Jeff Bezos donates his annual salary to nation’s struggling single mothers
  15. We finally answer the question “Are men funny?” Hint: Not as funny as they think they are
  16. Women’s trends for spring: Comfortable shoes and pants with deep pockets
  17. Men who send dick pics now face prison time
  18. Take-out is better for your mental health than home-cooked meals
  19. New bill would require men to watch video of grandmothers before masturbating
  20. 61 ways he can do more to please you in bed

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