One vital part of being a bad-ass bitch is boldly wearing the attitude that you’re not affected by anyone or anything. How do you let that persona shine when you’re dressed like you’re scrubbing in for surgery and you smell more like disinfectant than perfume? Keep reading for a list of 5 tips and tricks for remaining your bad-ass self while the Coronavirus has the world in a panic.
1) Remember that you are your own person
No one can tell you what to do. You don’t have to listen to the CDC when they tell you to wash your hands with soap and water for at least twenty seconds every time you pass a sink. No, when you wash your hands, you choose to do it of your own free will. In fact, you were doing that way before anyone was all up in your business, and you’ve got the chapped knuckles to prove it.
2) Talk to anyone that you want
So what if you have a cold? So what if your bestie has a fever and the chills? No virus can keep the two of you apart because the internet exists! You can spend all the time you want with anyone you want using free programs like Skype, Google Hangout, or an AOL bulletin board — complete with wine and all the tea you can handle. Additional benefits of this method include saving gas money and the opportunity to avoid putting on pants.
3) You don’t need a secret handshake
Hugs are so yesterday. Even fist-bumping takes more energy and enthusiasm than most bad-asses care to exert. The environment is finally ripe for keeping your hands to yourself and not feeling bad for anyone if they sneer at you for leaving them hanging — and I’m not knocking elbows with anyone. either
4) Clear the cooties
Have you ever felt like wiping off a surface while glaring at the last slob who used it? Go for it! You’re not just satisfying your inner bitch, you’re silently broadcasting a public service message. Those years of refusing to touch dirty bathroom handles are about to come in handy. Luckily, germ-wipes fit easily into most handbags.
5) Avoid sharing
Tell Karen to get her own damn dessert and keep Kevin away from your drink. Splitting a plate is deflating, and it’s also not very bad-ass. Now, you can keep your edamame, appetizer platter, and sake milkshake to yourself and enjoy every minute of it, thanks to COVID-19.
Let everyone else look at this pandemic as a time of terror and solitude, this is your time to shine. And, if for any reason you decide to self-quarantine, remember that bad-ass bitches need fuzzy jammies, too.
