If you love to send out holiday pictures of your whole family dressed up in embarrassing costumes, but you’re running low on ideas, don’t stress out! We at The Syndrome Mag have some fabulous photo suggestions that will help you spread holiday cheer while confirming your commitment to gender equality!
These ideas work for any family, whether yours is a “traditional” family unit with heterosexual parents and 2.1 children, or if you’re a single mom raising three kids on your own. Or if it’s you and your hot-flashing wife and your prepubescent son. Or it’s just you and 17 cats, or your three wiener dogs. There’s something here for all of us!
- Drive out to an open field covered in snow. Have your family parachute into place so there won’t be any distracting footprints. Everyone makes snow angels in a circular pattern while you, dressed as Mother Earth, sit in the middle. Caption: “Love your mother this season… or else.”
- Purchase a bunch of black graduation robes and a white lace tablecloth at your local secondhand store. Cut the tablecloth into lace collars. Once you’ve got your RBG costumes completed, take photos at your local gym, with everyone lifting weights and working out. Caption: “We’re pumped for Hanukkah.”
- Do the whole Santa and the reindeer thing, but stage the photo on the roof of your house (or someone else’s house), with Christmas lights that spell out “All I want for Christmas is equal rights.”
- Dress the family in wacky wavy arm costumes and head over to your local Planned Parenthood, or the location two states over. Whichever is closest. Caption: “Plan your family. Plan your holiday fun.”
- Dress everyone up as nutcrackers and stage a mock ballet on your front lawn. Caption: “Feminists don’t crack nuts. You’re thinking of nutcrackers. Best wishes for an equal new year.”
- If you don’t want to leave the house, dye everyone’s hair green (if it’s not already), apply fake tattoos (if you all don’t have plenty of visible ones) and nose rings (ditto). Arrange everyone around the dinner table a la that famous Norman Rockwell painting. Caption: “Celebrating our family values during the holidays.”
- If you’ve got extra time and money, dress the fam as kegs of beer, fly to Washington D.C., and shoot your pics in front of Brett Kavanaugh’s house, while yelling, “No sexual assaulters on the Supreme Court.” Try to time the photo so that it catches everyone saying “Supreme” which gives that smile effect. Caption: “Jingle your bells, but know your limits.”
- If you’ve got willing felines in your family, dress them in matching pajamas and place them on the sofa. Sit on the floor (your usual spot, if your house is anything like ours) and take 4,000 pictures so you get one that is usable. Caption: “This holiday season, we’d like to remind you that not all women have pussies.”
- Ask everyone to wear red Handmaid’s robes (so festive) with flashing Rudolph the Reindeer noses. Then have them pose on the front lawn or a nearby park like they’re ready to take off into the sky. Caption: “Praise be! It’s Christmas!”
- Using large pieces of cardboard, create puzzle pieces for each family member. Instead of a still photo, shoot a .GIF where everyone runs around, trying to fit together. Caption: “The season is better when we work together. Happy inter-sectional holidays!”
- Buy reddish brown leotards and tights and use those to create gingerbread people for everyone in the family. Caption: “Merry gender neutral Christmas to all, and to all a queer night!”
- This one requires no costumes at all and is probably better for child-free couples. Get naked and hug a tree by moonlight. Caption: “Just because you’re a pagan doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some holiday shenanigans!”
- If your family unit is all female-identifying, this one may be just perfect for you. Dress everyone in tacky holiday sweaters and gather around the dining room table. Dump the contents of a purse on the table. Caption: “When we get our extra .22 cents on the dollar, you’ll get a better card.”
- And if you’re single, since your relatives all think you’re living a skanky lifestyle, why not spice up their holidays and reinforce their stereotypes? Grab a sexy Mrs. Claus costume, find a stripper pole and give the photographer your sexiest moves. Caption: “Ho-Ho-Ho.”
And if you try any of these, please send pictures! Except the naked ones. We get enough of those already.