Let’s face it – today’s reality shows are heavy on the testosterone, with most semi-scripted to create conflict and drama because apparently, we don’t have enough of that in our lives already. This got me wondering what kinds of shows women would develop without any male influence. Here’s what I – still a woman despite my post-menopausal drop in estrogen – came up with.
Survivor Post-Partum:
Two teams of new moms are dropped on a desert island one month after giving birth. Following their daily yoga, meditation, massage, and therapy session, they take turns throwing parties and giving each other mani-pedis, while giggling that their spouses are home alone with the kids.
Big Mother:
The same as Big Brother, only with everyone’s moms in the house too. Things go hilariously wrong and no one has a good time, but at least the mothers know where their children are at all times.
The Divorcee:
Twenty newly divorced people of various gender identities and sexual orientations perform nightly roasts of their exes, taking turns to one-up each other with horror stories of how awful their relationships were. Each week, they all get roses and then get mind-numbingly drunk. No one ever goes home.
The Real Working Mothers of Springfield, Illinois:
Five average working moms whom no one has ever heard of, carpool to work every day. They just talk and talk. No one mansplains. Occasionally, they break out into song. Even more occasionally, they flip off rude drivers.
The Amazing Race to Sleep:
The show follows four female managers who are also mothers of twins in their quest to, just this once, fall asleep before 4 a.m. Each week they try a different solution, from white noise machines, to lavender-scented pillow cases, to tequila shooters at midnight.
Snark Tank:
20 teenagers are put in chastity belts so they can’t have sex and are then released into a mansion in Los Angeles during summer break (so their moms can finally get some rest). Horny and angry, the teens sit around the pool all day blasting music of sorts and seeing who can roll their eyes the loudest.
Naked and Afraid in the Dressing Room:
The show follows three average-sized women as they try on clothes for a vacation destination chosen for them by the producers. The one whose self-esteem remains the most intact – as measured with a Self-Esteem quiz developed by former America’s Next Top Model contestants – gets to take the vacation and keep the clothes.
Hell’s Kitchen:
Children from three different families compete to make an edible meal from items found in their rooms. They have to eat it because their parents have gone to Olive Garden.
Totes McGoats:
A live-cam follows goats in pajamas 24/7.
President Swap:
Each week, a panel of 50 women choose someone who is not a misogynist and who could even be…wait for it…a female to be president of the U.S. until the next episode. At the end, all the “presidents” are evaluated and the one who ranks highest gets the job for 4 years.
America’s Got Equality:
After answering a series of questions about herstory, the winner gets a grand prize totaling the amount of money she should have made by this time in her life if she were a man.
Keeping Up with the Carbohydrates:
Women following different diets sit around a table and argue over which one works the best while snacking.
Sixteen and Not Pregnant:
Using odd forms of transportation such as gondolas and jet packs, teams race to get teen girls out of Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Missouri and other states taking away women’s reproductive rights, so they can get access to birth control and/or abortions.
Herders:
A busy mom gets two Australian shepherds to help her keep her 13 kids in line. Each week, one of the children is released to a farm up state.
The Great British Faking Show:
Contestants vie to see who can fake an orgasm with a British accent best for an audience of men who all think their partners have never faked it with them.
