10 Ways to Flatten the Curve of the Isolation Blues

by Stacey Smith
Stacey Smith

Socially distancing is fun, isn’t it? You finally have an opportunity to eat cake, justify your “whiskey issues,” and visit Pinterest projects you created when you were high.

If you’re suffering from the Coronavirus blues, don’t fret. Let’s make extraordinary accomplishments in self-care. Here are ten fun, easy ways to tip your pussy hat to this much needed day of relaxation.

  1. Unironically keep shouting, “Thanks, Obama!”.
    It won’t change who’s currently occupying the Oval Office, but it will feel very liberating.
  2. Wear your THINX undies regardless of whether you’re menstruating or not or even have a uterus.
    The last month has proven that in 2020, anything can happen. You’ve always gotta be prepared for bloodshed. It’s just like Thomas Jefferson said: “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and nasty women.”
  3. Make a vision board of the America you’d like to see in the near future. Mine will mostly consist of photos of men riding public transit with their legs closed, a female president, and corgis everywhere. But you live your own personal dreams!
  4. Stock up on avocados.
    Although you’ve always considered yourself “good fat,” these little green wonders are getting more and more expensive. Because of the gender pay gap, not only are avocados pricier for us ladies, but we’re also all saving up for that exact right moment to move to Canada. (Justin, if you’re reading this–every day could be Prime Ministers’ Day, wink wink.)
  5. Bust out those gel pens from 1998.
    Cover your body head to toe in sparkly messages about how much you love yourself or about how you’re still feeling sad about HRC and/or Elizabeth Warren. Feels really good to have control over what you do with your body, right?
  6. Take bath and blast Lizzo.
    Get some bubbles in that motha because you deserve to feel “Good as Hell.”
  7. FaceTime with family and rank them.
    Who’s more supportive, Mom or Dad? Well, Mom posts more on Facebook but dad has more photos of you on his desk. Who has their lives more together, your little brother or your older one? Based on which one is deemed more successful, which one do you then hate more? Has your aunt always drunk that much wine? Looks like we have a winner!
  8. Ask for help.
    Whenever I’m too lazy and I can hear my roommate walking around the house, I ask her to make coffee. And remember: Her success is not your failure.
  9. Cook your favorite meal.
    Mine is French fries. And guess who’s not judging? Me, so that means you don’t have to either. Your worth isn’t measured by the size of your waist. It’s measured by how crispy you make those dang fries.
  10. Stretch.
    Girl, you will need to be limber for how much more fighting the patriarchy you’ll have to do on the other end of this. Plus, the frog pose reduces menstrual cramps. Not to mention, those THINX undies are super-stretchie!

Girl, you’re ready. Carpe Da Next Few Weeks

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